Sandra Dee

Day 24. Grammatical Mistakes that Annoy You Most

I’m not going to pick on all the obvious ones; they’re/their/there, you’re/your, two/to/too, etc. I’ve been guilty of making a few of those, which I hopefully correct before anyone notices.

The misuse of words does irk me, and I’ll get to that shortly, but I have noticed a tendency in people to make up new words. Alot is one of the most common; it isn’t one word, it’s two - a lot.

I once saw someone use nion when they meant nigh on. The same person later declared that they wanted to ‘right’ a book. Don’t give up the day job just yet.

Which brings me neatly to using one word when you mean another. The worst offender is ‘of’ instead of ‘have’ i.e. must of/should of/could of - another is the use of ‘his’ instead of ‘he’s’, as in ‘his an idiot’. None of these make sense, just stop it!

I know there are some who are confused by who and whom, try to remember that who is the subject and whom is the object. If you are in doubt, a handy tip is to rearrange the sentence. If the object is him/her, use whom, when the subject is he/she use who. For example: For whom the bell tolls - the bell tolls for him.

Another way to remember is this: If you are trying to get through to someone on the ‘phone and the person on the other end says “And whom should I say is calling?”, go round there and slap them, they’re an idiot.

I shall end this post with another exciting instalment of ‘You Say That, but You Mean Something Else’, where I point out three words that are criminally misused.

Alternate - people say this when they mean alternative, or having many options. Alternate means every second one. So you could work on alternate weekends but you can’t have an alternate plan.

Momentarily - this means for a short time not in a short time, as in ‘I momentarily lost concentration.’ Don’t say you will be leaving momentarily, you will be leaving shortly.

Nauseous - I love this word, especially when used for insults. When people abuse this word it makes my brain cry. Nauseous means sickening, i.e. to induce nausea, as in ‘That nauseous witch!’. When you feel the sense of nausea you are not nauseous, you are nauseated. Oh, and it’s not pronounced ‘norshush’ either.

Day 23. Pick 10 Random Words from the Dictionary and Create Your Own Definitions

1. Stagnation - Deer country.

2. Fine - Acronym for Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. Something a woman might say when she’s annoyed.

3. Jack-knife - Mack the Knife’s lesser known, younger brother.

4. Opine - Tree with ring-shaped leaves.

5. Capacity - Amalgamation of the words: capital city.

6. Mischief - A title given to the female elder of a tribe.

7. Tricot - A cot for triplets.

8. Auk - The sound someone makes when they are choking.

9. Redraft - a raft that is red

10. Marmite - Pure evil in a jar.

Day 22. Write a Short Fan-Fic of a Book/Movie/TV Show

Star Trek: Voyager - How it Should Have Ended

The crew of the Federation starship USS Voyager watched as the shuttle shot through the temporal rift. The shuttle, a federation vessel, hailed the starship. The face of an aged Admiral Janeway appeared on the screen. Captain Janeway leapt up from her chair and demanded to know what the hell was going on.

“Close the rift!” The Admiral shouted. “I’m being pursued by Klingons!”

Having had to put up with B’Elanna Torres for the past seven years, the crew did not like the prospect of more Klingons, so they quickly obliged.

Admiral Janeway smiled in appreciation. “I’ve come to take you home.” She said.

The crew had discovered a nebula full of wormholes; many leading to the Alpha Quadrant. Captain Janeway had decided against using it as a means to get home since the nebula was crawling with those pesky Borg. 

Admiral Janeway had other ideas. She had brought with her future technology which could defeat the Borg and get Voyager home safely, shaving twenty-three years of their journey. The Captain was sceptical and reminded her future self of the Temporal Prime Directive. The Admiral reminded her younger self that the show was being cancelled, so they didn’t have much of a choice. With that in mind, the Janeways hatched a plan to infect the Borg with a neurolytic pathogen, like they had done many times before. They were beginning to wonder why they kept falling for it.

Meanwhile, in Astrometrics, Seven of Nine told Chakotay that their relationship was over.

“Why?” He demanded.

“Because you are humourless old goat.” She replied. Chakotay further demanded to know why she had started seeing him in the first place. She shrugged and said that one of her Borg implants must have been malfunctioning. She had also come to her senses and realised that the Doctor was way cooler.

In the mess hall, Icheb beat Tuvok at kal-toh in a few moves. This lead the Lieutenant Commander to go to sick bay to check on the state of his deteriorating mental health. The Doctor informed him that his condition was stable and that he was simply being a sore loser, just like all Vulcans.

With Voyager’s upgrades complete, Lieutenant Paris plotted a course towards the transwarp hub at the centre of the nebula which allowed the Borg to travel across the galaxy in minutes. Seven located the wormhole that would take them to the Alpha Quadrant, and despite finally going home, Kim continued to complain about everything.

Once Admiral Janeway had found the Borg Queen and infected her with the pathogen, the Voyager crew took to the transwarp conduit, destroying the hub from within. The plan came off all too easily, but the show was only an hour long and they had to wrap things up.

On the other side of the wormhole, Admiral Paris demanded to know what the hell was going on. Janeway fobbed him off: “It’ll all be in my report.” She smiled to herself, knowing that Starfleet Captains got away with violating the Prime Directive all the time.

They set a course for Earth and they all lived happily ever after… apart from Neelix, who died of the phage.

Day 21. A Letter to Yourself Now

Hello me,

I know you’ve been feeling a little jaded lately, but try to be positive. It’s difficult living in a world full of political correctness, double standards and ultracrepidarianism. For most people emotion is a stronger than all logic and reason, and emotions are selfish - most can only see as far as the end of their nose, and their world is run by their knee-jerk defence mechanisms. The more something affects someone, the more they react; on a scale ranging from mass-apathy to mass-hysteria.

The more you read into the human condition the more you despair of it. There is always some excuse why we shouldn’t stand up for what’s right, There’s always someone ready and willing to use one atrocity to justify another, and there are those who are so blind that they cannot see that they have become the very thing they say they despise.

We are supposedly a nation of animal lovers, but no one does anything practical to help them, our new wave of feminism is nothing more than misandry, there are some who are so desperate not to appear racist that they become incredibly bigoted themselves, and there are those who claim to love and respect their fellow man, yet they’ll be the first to attack, make hateful comments, and kick a man when he’s down.

The thing you have to remember is that not everyone is like this - there are people out there who are trying to make a difference, just like you. Remember when you stood alongside nearly two million other people to say no to what was clearly an illegal war? They’re still out there. Remember that if something’s worth fighting for, you should keep at it.

Is Tibet free after 50 year? No. Is livestock treated/slaughtered humanely? No. Are all women across the world safe and treated as equals to men? No. Do all children have the right to an education? No. Does that mean you should give up? Hell no.

The same applies to your every day life - just ignore the haters. While they’re making their wages disappear on booze and goodness knows what else, remember that you life is full and think of all the things you have worked hard to achieve over the years - while they make comments.

You have a successful business (which you built up from nothing), you have written books and had articles published (You have been inspired to write your first non-fiction piece in five years, go for it), you have done a lot for charity; you have run half-marathons and walked on fire, and you have stared Death in the face and survived.

You know what it’s like to be the underdog, to be poor, and to struggle. You have suffered abuse and harassment because of your differences and have even been on the receiving end of racism. You know what it’s like, and that’s made you a better person. Don’t ever sink.

Regards,

You.

Day 20. 5 Things People Wrongly Assume About You

1. That I’m vegetarian - I used to be, many moons ago, but I had to add a little meat back into my diet due to health problems. On the plus side, it made me a lot more conscious of where my meat comes from, and I still spend a lot of my time campaigning for animal rights. I can understand people being a little surprised that I’m not veggie, but I was once called a hypocrite by a ‘vegan’. This ‘vegan’ was wearing a silk shirt, leather shoes, and I’m pretty sure that the make up on her face was tested on animals and/or contained animal products. When I pointed out her hypocrisy, she tried to justify the shirt by saying that silk worms were ‘just bugs’. Twit.

2. That I hate religion - Actually, I don’t. If your faith gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling and inspires you to do good things, then I think that’s great. If however, you hide behind your religion to justify something you know is wrong e.g. homophobia, racism, oppression of women, etc; that’s what I have a problem with. I respect your right to believe whatever you want, but nothing gives you the right to enforce it on others. If someone says ‘God bless you’, it makes me feel a little off, but I just smile and nod because I know their just being nice. If someone tells me I’m going to burn in hell, then I don’t respect that, I don’t tolerate it, and I don’t have to.

3. That I’m a Wiccan - Slightly contradictory to number two, there are some who believe I am part of an organised religion myself. Although I could identify as Pagan; we should all be a lot kinder and behave more responsibly towards the planet (and each other), but I don’t believe in any deities or practice any rituals. I’m a Pagan Atheist.

4. That I’m a pushover - I’m quite dinky (only 5ft tall!) and quietly spoken. Because of this people assume it’ll be easy to push me around - wrong. I always give as good as I get which often shocks people and leads them to run away with their tails between their legs and claim that they’re the ones being picked on. And yes, that does make me feel big and clever.

5. That I am (or trying to be) a size ‘zero’ - This can get quite offensive, with people going as far as telling me I need to eat something, or calling me ‘anorexic’. There’s no need for name calling; I’m short, I have a small frame, I’m going to be slim. All I care about is that I’m healthy, if people want to obsess over what a normal size is, they can keep it to themselves. By the ‘bye, a size zero has a 22in waist, to give you an idea how ridiculously thin that is, my waist is 27in. Food for thought?

Day 19. I Would Never…

It’s hard to say if there is something I would never do, you never know what circumstances are lurking around the corner. I can only really think of rather mundane things. For example, I would never:

Take drugs - it’s just plain idiotic.

Go to Disneyland - it’s tacky and full of children.

Eat stuffed cabbage (again) - when something looks/smells/tastes that bad, it’s clearly not edible.

I can’t actually think of much else. Oh, just one more thing; I would never write such a boring blog again. I promise.

Day 18. I Have Never…

Lied or cheated - You might think that that’s a lie in itself, but I just don’t see the point; by cheating you are only cheating yourself and as for lying - it’s too much of an effort trying to remember which lies you told to whom. It defies all reason, and as a result, I don’t do it.

If I am ever accused of dishonesty it makes me quite angry, I hate being judged by the low standards of others. I don’t understand why people feel the urge to lie; it only overcomplicates your life and leaves you in a bigger mess than if you had told the truth in the first place.

That doesn’t mean I can’t still get myself into trouble. Any of my friends would tell you that I am brutally blunt and honest. For example, if someone where to ask: “Does this skirt make my bum look big”, I’d be the kind of ‘friend’ who would reply: “No, your bum makes your bum look big.”

I know, with friends like me, who needs enemies?

Day 17. Three Words You Think are Overused

It’s hard to narrow it down, so I’ll just go with the three worst offenders:

1. Awkward - Often used after a sentence to describe a situation that is a little wrong or mildly irritating and not actually awkward at all. On the rare occasions when the situation is awkward, then the word is redundant, so you can stop using it now. The same applies to the word ‘fail’.

2. So - As in ‘that is so awkward’.  So many fragmented sentences. So much emphasis on the so. That is so annoying.

3. Epic - Unless you are referring to ‘War and Peace’, just stop it.

Day 16. Three Words You Think Should be Used More

I’ve chosen three somewhat archaic words which I think should come back into fashion - because they’re bloody brilliant.

1. Illecebrous - Alluring, attractive. Emphasis is put on the second syllable - il-lec-e-brous

2. Ultracrepidarian - One who criticises or gives opinions on something beyond his/her knowledge.

3. Forflitten - To be overwhelmed by excessive, unreasonable scolding.

Those are three of my favourite words which should be used more. As an extra challenge, I shall endeavour to slip one or all of these words into a blog post over the next two weeks.

Day 15. Are You Arty?

I certainly am! Ever since I was a child I’ve enjoyed painting, drawing, and all things crafty. From about the age of ten, I started to enter into art shows - which was more my mum’s influence rather than me wanting to get competitive.

But get competitive, I did. My first art show, I entered into three junior categories: painting, drawing, and modelling. I won first prize in each, and while it’s always nice to win a prize, in this instance, it was a little embarrassing. Allow me to explain:

In the modelling category, for example, I spent days (if not weeks) working on a clay dragon sculpture - each tooth, claw, and spike was individually made, the wings were meticulously rolled thin and folded neatly into place, Smaug was then lovingly baked in the oven at gas mark five ‘til he was done.

I was the last one to set up my piece at the show, so I could get a good look at the competition. There were two other entries; one was a 2D plasticine model of a bus, the other… well, I’m not quite sure what it was. The disturbing thing was, both these kids were about my age. It was a similar story in the other categories - at the end of the weekend’s exhibition, prizes were given out and I went home with the sense that it was all a bit too easy.

At the next show, I competed against adults. It was a bit tougher - especially as no one knew my identity - and I don’t think I ever won a first prize again, but I still scooped plenty of seconds and thirds, and anything I did win, I felt like I’d earned it.

I stopped doing art shows before I left high school, but I soon started an art and design course at college, where we would exhibit our work at the end of each year. The only difference was getting grades instead of prizes.

I’m still arty now, making my living as a jewellery artist, specialising in wire weaving - a technique I picked up at college and continued to develop over the years.

So there you have it, my arty existence in a nutshell. Just one more thing, through junior and high school, I had many teachers who told me that being an artist wasn’t a real job - I really hope they’re reading this.